Honesty and grief color local

reactions at Tillman memorial

Once the out-of-towners stopped talking, and invoking the almighty and patriotism and all of that, the people from San Jose were allowed to speak. And the honesty came out.

``Thank you for coming,'' said Richard Tillman, who was Pat Tillman's younger brother. ``But with all respect to those who have been up here before me, Pat's not with God. He's not religious.''

``This sucks,'' said Alex Garwood, the brother in law and longtime friend of Pat Tillman. ``Pat's dead.''

``I miss my son,'' said Pat Tillman. Sr. ``It's only been a week and it ain't getting any better.''

There was a memorial service Monday afternoon at the Municipal Rose Garden park, and maybe 3,000 people were there, and it was televised live by ESPN, and there were 15 satellite trucks parked on a nearby street. That is what happens when a NFL player of some renown volunteers to fight in a war and then doesn't come home alive. He becomes a symbol.

Well, forget all that. Monday's service was not about that. Forget the national radio host who talked way too long, or the senator who used eloquent words but had never met him, or the governor's wife who tried to be sincere but also used cliches. Pat Tillman did not become real Monday until his home town buddies from San Jose's Leland High School opened their mouths. And those buddies weren't about to let Tillman become a symbol. They told stories about his drinking and his swearing and his way of letting people know they were no more or less important than him. ``If he were here today,'' said Paul Ugenti, ``he would be saying, `Get off your ass and get hold of yourselves.''

Yes, the coverage of Tillman's death has probably been excessive. Others have died without this attention. But this war is personal. For the hundreds of soldiers who have died, and their families and friends, it is nothing but personal. However, nobody sees their grief, because it is not nationally televised. So if the cameras at Tillman's memorial opened a window to that, was that bad? If it makes people understand the cost of what's happening, and what people are sacrificing, was that bad? No. It was the best thing on television Monday. The best and most horrible thing. In a war, honesty always is.